why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
