ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
