I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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