Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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