Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
