I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
