He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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