My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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