Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
