i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
