I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
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Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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