Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
nutella sex= disaster
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
