I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
