Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
