I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
