Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
