I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
