Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize