Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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