i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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