I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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