So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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