can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
