There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
