This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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