I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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