PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
