My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
