found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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