allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
