I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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