Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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