I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
