I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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