I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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