i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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