I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
