can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
