just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
