ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
