HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
