i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
