i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
