i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
