I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
