so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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