I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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