I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
