I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
