he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
