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i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
