saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
