I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
