i barfeds in our rink
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
love makes seman taste better
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
