he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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