$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
