Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
