I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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