Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
worst night to have a conscience
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
