Ambien. No doubt about it.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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