oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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