my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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