True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
