How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
