was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
